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Sunday, November 9, 2014

The Magic Face Threading Lady

Today I sat in an open kiosk in a crowded mall while a woman ripped almost all of the hairs out of my face. At one point I'm pretty sure I felt nostril hairs leaving my nose--or SOMETHING caused an immense ripping pain from my nostril region. I'm not sure how she did it, unless I severely underestimated the length of my nose hairs. If that is the case, I would appreciate it from now on, if you would TELL ME THAT I HAVE NOSTRIL HAIRS HANGING OUT OF MY NOSE. Actually though, I just think that the lady is magic.

I have several reasons for believing in her magic. Number one, she has the ability to coax nostril hairs out of my nose ... with thread ... and I didn't even ask her to.

Number two she is everywhere. There are three threading places in the Omaha-metro area that I know of and no matter when I go to any of them, she is there. How is she everywhere? There is only one explanation ... magic.

Three ... I always go to the kiosk with the intention of JUST getting my eyebrows threaded. However, she always talks me into doing my whole face. And it's not like some high pressure sales situation. She just says, "Should I do your lip?" and then she gives me this look that says, "You, my dear, have a mustache" and I say, without even thinking, "Will you just do my whole face?" She nods, almost imperceptibly as if she knew that this is what I was going to say all along. This is the conversation we have. Every time. Magic, I tell you.

Today when she got ready to thread my side burn region, she said, "It's been a while." Yeah, magic threading lady, it has been. You're going to earn your $35 plus tip today. I'm of German descent. Now, RIP ME.

It hurts. But it's a good hurt. It's similar to (but on a much smaller scale) getting a tattoo. After a while, your adrenaline kicks in and you start to think about how smooth and delicious your skin will look, you say a few swear words (in your head ... you are after all in a public place) and you power through.

Threading. It's not for the weak, but it is for the hairy. 

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